Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (Movie Review)

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 1 (2010)
Director: David Yates
Stars:  Daniel Radcliff, Ralph Fiennes, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson

Dumbledore has been murdered, and the wizarding world is collapsing.  Voldemort has taken control of the Ministry Of Magic, and very soon will be enacting his plans for the destruction and enslavement of mugglekind.  Harry, Ron and Hermione go on the run, searching for their one shot at ending Voldemort's reign;  Voldemort's Horcruxes, magically enchanted items which contain pieces of his fractured soul, thus rendering him immortal.  But if Harry can find them, and find a way to destroy them, the good guys may still have a chance.

I'm enough of a fan of the series that I've read every book and watched every movie released, but my fiancee had to practically drag me to this one.  Really, my interest waned considerably following the third book, and subsequent movie adaptation thereof.  Sometime before the release of the fourth book, JK Rowling became convinced that she was the reincarnation of Leo Tolstoy, so what started out as a cute "Scooby-Doo with magic" series ended up as a bloated mess filled with horcruxes, dramatically unsatisfying deaths, and characters named Nymphadora Tonks who are supposed to be taken seriously.  The Deathly Hallows (Rowlings favorite of the series!) is the nadir of this trend, bringing to bear the "exciting" climax, which is mostly 800 pages worth of camping.

The film producers have done their best to keep Rowling's mess contained to singular stories, but sadly, since we need to have two scenes in which Harry is drawn into a trap in someone's house, amongst other redundancies, this particular novel has been split in twine.

I'm really torn on this one.  On a technical level, this might be the best installment of the series.  Returning director David Yates spices up the requisite camping scenes with some of the most gorgeous nature photography outside of a Terrence Malick film, courtesy of DP Eduardo Serra.  I also admire the balls in the very deliberate pacing;  a scene in which the protagonists invade the Ministry Of Magic in disguise takes about three times longer than a similar scene in any other film.  Then again, since the book has a clear "halfway climax", they did need to pad it out at times so as not to run out of story.

On the downside, much like the novel it's based on, I found it pretty boring.  Harry Potter and crew are about as proactive as I am, sitting on their asses waiting for another Dumbledore Ex Machina to pull their fat out of the fryer.  I imagine the romantic tension between Harry, Ron and Hermione will be riveting for the hardcore fan, but I found myself dozing off at a lot of this.  Yes, wizards and Every Flavor Beans are fun, but if you want me to become emotionally invested in this world you've created, it ultimately has to make sense.  JRR Tolkien constructed a world; JK Rowling constructed a house of cards.  Why is every adult wizard so ineffectual?  Why don't wizards use magic to, say, cure cancer?  On that note, why are they hiding from Muggles in the first place?  Why hasn't Harry Potter been killed a thousand times over at this point, since he can't seem to do much more than levitate things and make a Bambi-themed laser light show?

If you're a fan of the series, it'll leave you salivating for the final chapter.  If you only have a casual interest, I would skip it;  this is for the converted.

FREDERICK OPINES: MIDDLING

Hogwarts (School Review)

Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, located "somewhere" in Scotland (It's all very mysterious!  I was transported there via "magic train".  At the end of the ride, I was as disoriented as if I had been blindfolded and thrown in the trunk of a car.), is the only legitimate choice for magical schooling in the United Kingdom.  It's been a longstanding institution, dating back over a thousand years, with several notable wizards acting as teachers over it's history.  Not the least of which, Merlin himself briefly had tenure here in the school's first century, before succumbing to his morticaine habit.

Wandering the hallways was a bit confusing at first, given the ever-shifting and unreliable nature of magical stone.  Sometimes the Men's Room changes into the Women's Room without warning, or on occasion becomes a hellmouth.  One too many Butterbeers and you could end up damned for eternity instead of simply being able to relieve your bladder.

Yes, "Butterbeer"; because beer wasn't fattening enough without butter in it, and was going to waste being sold primarily to adults.  Drug abuse is common enough in the school, even amongst wizards as young as 11.  Wizards born of Muggle parents ("M_dbloods", in the parlance) in particular look for every means of escape possible, as the racism against their kind runs rampant and unchecked throughout the school.  The local proximity of Hogsmeade Village allows the students easy access to psychotropic drugs, such as beer and firewhisky.

Upon arrival, new students are sorted into "houses" by a talking hat:  Gryffindor for the good looking kids; Ravenclaw for the nerds; Slytherin for the Satanists; and Hufflepuff for the "special needs" children.  Each house is given their own specialized classes, such as Slytherin's "Magical Terrorism", "Magical Torture", and "Animal/Human Sacrifice To The Dark Lord".  Some studies have shown that there may be a direct link between classes that teach Magical Terrorism and Magical Terrorists, but the evidence so far is inconclusive.

Safety is not a strong priority at the school.  The woods are filled with giant spiders, the lake has merpeople, and the castle itself is filled with such horrors as basilisks and cerberi.  There is nowhere that one can feel at ease.  Whereas student transgressions were once simply resolved through corporal punishment, now students are often sent on menial tasks in the most dangerous areas of the grounds.

There is no separation of Church and State here, with the students allowed a clear dialectic choice between worshipping Yahweh or Satan.  More often than not, Yahweh wins out, with Christmas and Easter being the primary holidays celebrated.

Education seems shaky at best, since most of the graduating students that I talked to couldn't do much more than levitate a pen.  Educators often seem distant, moody, and unreliable, with very little concern for their students continuing education or safety.

All in all, for a school of such pedigree, I was expecting a bit more.  If I end up having magic using children, I will most certainly be sending them to The Salem Witches Institute in my dear old US of A.

FREDERICK OPINES: BAD