PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES (2011)
Director:  Rob Marshall
Stars:  Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Penelope Cruz

Everyone seems to like the first film (if one is inclined to enjoy that type of story), but opinions on Pirates 2 and 3 vary from lukewarm to abysmal.  Being a fan of the original trilogy in total, I do agree with arguments that the second and third films were a bit overambitious - but maybe its exactly that ambition that I like about them.  They're two of the only big-budget, blockbuster films I can think of where the stories lost me at times - but due to their complexity, not their stupidity.  They're bloated, yes, but also very smartly crafted.

Disney, haven taken criticisms of the trilogy to heart, have heard the cries of fans who like their bread white and their sex missionary.  In other words, On Stranger Tides has been dumbed down a bit, for your viewing pleasure.  Well. . .  for the most part.  Some side-plots are either left unexplained, or very cryptically so, such as the majority of the romance between Philip the Missionary and Syrena the Mermaid.  Does this sink the movie?  No.

What does sink the movie is the flat, uninspiring direction from Rob Marshall (Chicago) - the dude who somehow stole the Director's Guild Award away from Roman Polanski (for The Pianist) and Martin Scorsese (for Gangs Of New York).  I was baffled when I first heard about Marshall being hired to take over the franchise, and I remain equally baffled having just come home from watching it.  "Sure," I once thought to myself, "let's give him a chance.  After all, I wasn't the biggest fan of Gore Verbinski before he directed the first film."  I was wrong to have even the smallest degree of faith in his abilities.  Lines that could have killed, and are delivered perfectly by Mr. Depp, lay flat and lifeless onscreen.  What should be a rousing escape scene just looks like a YouTube video of some idiot swinging from a chandelier.

Verbinski picked some unique looking faces for his band of scallywags, like The Office star Mackenzie Crook, and filmed them in a grotesque, Gilliam-like wide-angle close-ups.  Here, we have a stable of fairly boring looking, indistinguishable pirates shot in flat medium and wide shots.  The usually brilliant Darius Wolski returns as Director Of Photography, yet is given nothing interesting to shoot or frame.

Most damning of all, the characters clearly aren't being played the way they should.  According to the dialogue in the film, I'm to assume that Blackbeard is a terrifying motherfucker - "The pirate that all pirates fear", or some such thing - yet the usually great Ian McShane is just playing him as a huge asshole.  Similarly, Penelope Cruz's character is supposedly feared by her crew, and is set up as being the female counterpart to Depp's Jack Sparrow, but the way she plays it leaves me unconvinced.  Again - those are both fantastic actors, who generally know what they're doing.  I'm leaving the blame for their performances solely on Marshall's doorstep.

This isn't a franchise killer, I don't think - the reviews so far have been pretty bad, but I could see less discerning moviegoers having a decent enough time with this.  I didn't find it to be painful - just boring.  I would go see a future installment, if they can get a better director back at the helm.

FREDERICK OPINES - BAD

CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS

CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS (2011)
Director:  Werner Herzog
Starring:  Werner Herzog, Some Scientists, and Cave Paintings

Cave of Forgotten Dreams is the latest documentary from director Werner Herzog, the mad German who brought us such films as Rescue Dawn, Aguirre the Wrath of God, and Encounters at the End of the World.  Here he takes a 3D camera to France's Chauvet Cave - a place which contains the oldest known cave paintings, some dating back as far as 32,000 years ago.

There have been films I've seen where I would describe the 3D effects as "neat", but this is the first film I've seen in which the 3D is almost essential to the viewing experience.  The cave paintings of lions, rhinos, and other, sometimes extinct, animals were drawn on uneven surfaces, utilizing the light and texture in fascinating ways.  This is the type of film that I would usually recommend as a rental -but unless you have a 3D television, you owe it to yourself to catch this in the theater.

If you're unfamiliar with Herzog's previous work, particularly his documentaries, you may find yourself confused as to why he spends so much time interviewing a scientist about his time working in the circus, or why there's a side-trip to a nearby mutant crocodile conservatory.  Trust me - it all has purpose.  Herzog seeks to demystify what we predetermine to be "normal", and in doing so is also seeking out that which makes us fundamentally "human".

Seeing pictures of some of the earliest know works of art, alongside various pieces from other archeological sites, I find myself filled with a sense of true wonder and awe.  I'm forced to recognize that despite my lack of religion, there is something "spiritual" inside of me.  On top of that, I realize that several of my favorite films have a spiritual bent - 2001: A Space Odyssey, clearly, as well as even something as "popcorny" as Raiders Of The Lost Ark.  Quite possibly my two favorite scenes in Raiders are the Well Of Souls sequence, which plays out almost like a religious revelation, and the scene in which villain Belloq challenges Indy to blow up the Ark - Indy cannot, for he is entranced by the potential discoveries that sit inside, waiting to be discovered.

A strong contender for my top of the year list, and a definite must watch if it plays in your area.

FREDERICK OPINES - GREAT

"Fast Five" As Allegory For The Story Of Christ The Redeemer (SPOILERS!)

FAST FIVE (2011)
Director:  Justin Lin
Stars:  Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Dwayne Johnson

When last we left our heroes, in Fast & Furious (2009), Brian (Walker) and Mia (Brewster) were about to bust Dom (Diesel) out of a prison bus, as he was being transported to serve out his life sentence in Chino.  They succeed - miraculously managing to not kill anyone after they flip the bus over at high speed, as we later learn from a local news broadcast (we're given no guarantees about the survival of the several other thousand people indirectly effected by vehicular crime throughout the film).  Wanting to begin life anew, they head to Rio de Janeiro - their every move watched over by the statue of Christ the Redeemer, as we are reminded of several times throughout the film.

But while they now reside in paradise, they have not yet fully purged themselves of sin - Brian and the newly pregnant Mia have become impoverished, tying them closer to the physical world than the spiritual.  After being double-crossed on a job by local businessman, and criminal entrepreneur, Hernan Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida, "The Latin Jack Ryan"), the protagonists decide to rid the area of his corruptive influence by stealing all of his money - giving themselves a chance to be born anew.

Hernan Reyes is the devil - he corrupts mostly through seduction, not violence.  In a scene in which he talks to potential business partners, Hernan explains why the Portuguese were successful in conquering Brazil, while the Spaniards were not - the Portuguese came with trinkets, placating the natives with objects of desire.  In order to keep receiving these needful things, they need only give over their service. . .  their very souls, in essence.  Reyes continues this model in the 21st century - he rules first through gifts, secondly through violence.

In order to pull off the heist, Dom organizes a crew consisting of characters culled from previous Fast & Furious films - a gathering of Apostles, who by merely believing in Dom are given the chance at a new life.  It seems as if nothing can stand in their way. . .

. . .until the arrival of DSS Special Agent Luke Hobbs (Johnson), a man that Brian knew of in his previous life.  Brian refers to Hobbs as being "Old Testament" - God's Wrath incarnate.  He has arrived in Rio to mete out justice in blood, and doesn't care about the motivations or complexities of the human spirit.  When confronted with the irregularity of Dom having supposedly killed a trio of DEA agents in cold blood, despite his relatively non-murderous relationship with the law in the past (the agents were in fact murdered by one of Hernan's men), Hobbs merely responds to the questioning police officer with a dismissive line about "names land on my desk, I take them down".  In other words, "ours is not to question why", in regards to a higher power.

The police officer asking the questions about Dom's possible motivations is Elena Neves, a local cop whose police officer husband was killed by one of Hernan's men while on duty.  Hernan killed him because he could not possess his soul, as he does most of the other police in Rio, and Elena finds herself living day to day, lost in a world of darkness.  Enlisted by Hobbs as a local guide/interpreter, she manages to temporarily stop Dom during one of his getaways, before he manages to elude her.  He does, however, accidently leave his crucifix necklace behind - the very symbol of the soul he's attempting to free from corruption.  Elena retrieves the necklace, keeping it for herself.  She finds herself becoming more and more enamored with it, and of the possibility of a life free from corruption.

Eventually, Hobbs finds his man.  It's Old Testament versus New, as Dom and Hobbs fistfight it out for supremacy.  In the end, Dom has the advantage, but despite his murderous rage, he decides not to kill - that is a life that he has left behind him.  In triumph, Hobbs the righteous warrior carts his prize away.

But victory is not to last.  Hobbs gets ambushed by Hernan's men, who end up killing his entire crew, with the exception of Elena.  Elena frees Dom and the rest of the prisoners, who in turn save Hobbs life. As a token of gratitude, and as a means to take an eye for an eye from Hernan, Hobbs then agrees to help Dom and team with their heist.

The heist goes according to plan - except that no one knew what the plan was exactly, except for Dom himself.  Brian and Dom drag a gigantic, hitched safe down the streets of Rio with two muscle cars, until they're halfway across a bridge - then realizing that they're never going to be able to outrun Hernan and the cops on such a straight and narrow path.  Dom disconnects Brian from the safe, telling him to go on - Brian's child will be born free of original sin.  Dom turns his car around, cranks up the nitro, and pulls the safe behind him.  On a path as narrow as the eye of a needle, Dom swings the safe back and forth, knocking cars off of the road - money becoming the very means of destruction of these men of industry.  In the end, Satan, as embodied by Hernan, is destroyed by Dom's hurtling vehicle - the angel of seduction and sedation destroyed by the propulsive instrument of humanity.

Hobbs arrives on the scene, to exact what vengeance he can from Hernan's wreckage.  In an uncharacteristic act of mercy, in response to Dom's own, Hobbs gives Dom and team twenty-four hours of running time, before beginning his pursuit.  Dom, and Brian, who had never truly left his side, depart. Dom had sacrificed himself to save them all, and had been reborn again, as had all of his people.

Hobbs examines the safe - empty.  Just as the world of the flesh has been severed, so too has the reliance on earthly possessions.  The money has been transmuted from lifeless bits of tree into the dreams, hopes and passions of those who now possess it.

FREDERICK OPINES - GOOD